In the midst of South Africa’s trial of the century we heard Reeva Steenkamp through text messages about her relationship with Oscar Pistorius. In a text message to Pistorius she said, “I’m scared of you sometimes.” On the stand Pistorius tried to explain the text by claiming Steenkamp was afraid of the “feelings” she was developing for him. Friends of Pistorius have publicly said money and fame changed him into an arrogant, controlling, hot head with a quick temper.
Abuse doesn’t just happen to average people. It happens to famous people, beautiful people and influential people. Abuse has no boundaries.
Women often try to explain away the reasons why their lover got upset by making excuses such as he beat me because he is going through a hard time. It was revealed Pistorius was experiencing financial difficulties during his relations with Steenkamp.
Women will tell themselves he didn’t mean to hit me or degrade me. Women will also say to themselves if I only do things that make him happy or don’t frustrate him our life together will get better. Steenkamp revealed in her text messages Pistorius “picked on her” about the way she chewed her gum, her accent, and perceived flirting. On the stand Pistorius said he and Steenkamp had a fight when she failed to introduce him to a friend she had ran into at an event and his feeling were hurt over it.
Abuse often starts out with nit-picking and a critical attitude. It might start out with “I don’t like the way you dress” or “the way speak.” Small things that would seem inconsequential to most people, abusive people use this to try to manipulate. Unfortunately, Steenkamp could not see the signs. Here is the pattern of an abusive relationship.
EARLY WARNING SIGN #1: COMMITMENT DRIVEN-This is referred as the “honeymoon period” of the relationship. This period often hooks women into the relationship with their abuser.
EARLY WARNING SIGN #2: DECEITFUL. Minor deceit, or the ‘telling of white lies’ frequently occurs in the beginning stages of a relationship.
EARLY WARNING SIGN #3: MINOR JEALOUSY. At first their jealous behavior doesn’t seem excessive, so there is no immediate ‘red flag warning’ indicating a prevalence for controlling or possessive behaviors.
EARLY WARNING SIGN #4: VICTIMIZED. What do you know about his childhood? Did he experience abuse or neglect? If so, do these experiences continue to have a negative impact him? An abusive childhood in and of itself should not be considered a deal-breaker, however, if he uses his history of abuse as an excuse for his poor attitude or for feeling a general sense of resentment and entitlement; then this behavior should be on your radar.
EARLY WARNING SIGN #5: LACKING CUPABILITY. While presented as an early warning sign, generally “blaming others” is also a red flag behavior, whereas individuals who fail to take responsibility for their emotions, behaviors, and/or life outcomes should be avoided at all costs because of their destructive nature. It is likely that they also have endured an abusive childhood, therefore tend to label themselves as a victim and blame past abuses for current inappropriate acts or behaviors. There are two types of “blamers, those who shift responsibility for their problems and those blame others for their emotional response.
EARLY WARNING SIGN #6: SUPERIORITY. This individual has an attitude of self-righteousness, truly believes that he is better than everyone else, and will have no qualms telling you this.
EARLY WARNING SIGN #7: LONER. At first, it might appear that he really enjoys spending time alone with you, or that values solitary and is uncomfortable around others, or maybe it is just that he loves being one with nature; but eventually you will want to get out and do something. The abuser’s insistence to hang out alone only serves one purpose, he wants to isolate you from the outside world because he is vested in keeping you all for himself.
EARLY WARNING SIGN #8: PETTINESS –or- HYPERSENSITIVITY. Abusers tend to have low self-esteem, thus they are easily upset or insulted. Also, he tends to make a big deal out of nothing, focus on insignificant details or comments, and assume that any difference of opinion is a direct personal attack on him. These abusers are highly inpatient, excessively critical of others, and lack the ability to forgive others. He often claims that you have ‘hurt’ him; even your smallest infractions cause him emotional pain. While his petty attitudes and outrageous emotional responses seem unfounded, you will eventually feel devalued and question your sensibilities; but of course, you will often find yourself apologizing for things you may have said or done, that he misinterpreted or blew out of proportion.
EARLY WARNING SIGN #9: CONTEMPTUOUS. He his always joking around, or so he claims; but his “jokes” are ripe with malicious sarcasm and condescending undertones. While his jokes, albeit poorly timed, seem genuinely innocently intended; other times his hostility is as unmistakably purposeful. When he is not poking ‘fun’ at others, his direct conversations will likely be condescending, cruel or rude in nature. Importantly, listen to the way he talks about his ex; does he become angry, call her names, or use insulting descriptions in an effort to blame her for the demise of the relationship? Considering these interactional patterns, understand that for now, these are directed at others; but as the relationship progresses, you must realize that the attacks will shift onto you.
EARLY WARNING SIGN #10: AGGRESIVENESS. The words ‘abuse’ and ‘relationship violence’ immediately conjures up mental images of physical fights, bruises, cuts, broken furniture, et. We really have been cued into the tangible aspects of relationship abuse, we recognize it when we see it; we can identify it, when we hear it directed at someone. However, aggressive individuals never end the first dating by punching her in the eye; instead these behaviors manifest over time. Clearly, acts of aggression toward animals or children or verbal assaults would be considered ‘red flag’ behaviors.
If you know the signs you can change your behavior and prevent violence or even death from occurring. Here are 53 celebrities who have suffered abuse at the hands of their loved ones.
Tina Turner- What’s love got to do with it