Iraqi women learn to shoot AK-47s to defend Baghdad from ISIS
Iraqi women have joined together in learning how to defend their streets from ISIS, the rebel group who would prefer women to have babies and wear a burqa while living in the dark ages.
But these burqa wearing bitches aren’t going to take it anymore. They’re learning how to properly shoot AK-47s to protect themselves and their children from the rebels. I’ll I have to say is, “About fuckin’ time, Ladies!”
Every country which has women in their military is a civilized society. You know why? Because if you give a badass bitch a gun she will kill you, and that should have every man running with his tail tucked tightly around his nuts.
Women make excellent warriors. They have heart, and they are brave. American female soldiers train right beside their male counterparts. We live together, we work together, and we fight together.
But we don’t get any respect from our men. In fact, women are raped, beaten, and sexually harassed at such an alarming rate it’s hard to believe any woman would want to fight in the military. We have always had to persevere and overcome.
So being a female military veteran I think it’s time to form a new elite force of specially trained women so eloquently named “The Bitch Brigade.” The Bitch Brigade will consist of the baddest and smartest bitches America has to offer.
We specialize in training women in war-torn countries how to stand up for themselves and their children and fight. They will become sharp shooters and will have no problem killing a man dead in heals while applying mascara.
The female trainees will learn to throw grenades, launch rockets, etc. etc…by using targets which will inspire them to fight. These targets will be exact plastic replicas of every man who ever gave her attitude, called her a bad name, abused or humiliated her. The beauty is we will never run out of targets.
The TBB will learn to live in the dirt. But it won’t be long because the men rebels who are caught will end up in our prison camps. They will work their asses off for all the times they said to their wives they’d take out the trash and didn’t. In a week TBB will be living in a house bigger than Oprah Winfrey’s Hampton estate, all courtesy by the hard-working hands of war prisoners.
For all the times women had to wash shit stains out of underwear, listen to a male’s nonsensical logic, and for forcing us to bore evil spawn to propagate a fucked up world, prison time will go slow for rebel inmate.
In the prison camp inmates are issued three children to care for, all under the age of three, still wearing diapers, of course. Any crying from any child will result in serious repercussions. I don’t know what they are yet, but you can bet it will be serious. Prisoners will not be issued shoes because shoes are not in the budget, of course.
When the Queen Bitch, which is me, walks into the camp all prisoners will fall to their knees and drop their heads, for all the times women have had to bow down and defer to a man who is no more smarter than her.
Factually most men are dumber than apes. And because of this genetic default, women will now be making all decisions especially concerning money, because buying a thousand dollar stereo system when the rent is past due just wasn’t cool.
Inmates will have some free time. The prisoner’s free time includes going on leisurely day trips to shop for food at Safeway. But the prisoner can’t go without those screaming, pooping brats. The prisoner must have the children at all the times because TBB doesn’t tolerate screaming and crying brats. We are tired when we get off work and we deserve to have a quiet, peaceful prison camp.
The prisoner needs to always be “on-point” when it comes to defusing a toddler tantrum. If the screaming goes on to long, or other people look at the prisoner’s children with disdain, it is an automatic demerit. Demerits are bad in the prison camp and can result in losing 10 minutes of solitude watching a favorite sporting event on TV. But if one of the kids cries or wants something, TV time is over. TBB doesn’t want to hear screaming kids when we get off work, we are tired.
Prisoners will become culinary artists because The Bitch Brigade needs to eat. Anything from a box, bag, or bucket will not be tolerated. And don’t forget the dessert! Remember TBB likes chocolate.
TBB doesn’t do cleaning. We are not losing a nail to help trouble-making rebel prisoners. Prisoners do all housework. If it is not to our satisfaction TBB has the right to nit-pick, insult the cleaning abilities of the prisoners and tell the prisoner how to do it even if we have never done it before. The prisoner will do it our way.
After dinner and cleaning, the prisoner must listen to us yammer on about gossipy, shit that doesn’t matter, while folding a stack of laundry taller than Mt. Everest.
Prisoners will watch with glee all The Real Housewives series. This is for all the times that rebel hijacked the remote. No prisoner shall be allowed to touch the remote ever, this will result in receiving a taser gun to the ass.
It is written in the Bible the meek shall one day inherit the earth. Sorry boys, God says it in the Bible, so it’s true. And because God never said “Do on to other as you’d do to them,” women will now have the upper hand.
Once we conquer the world of war and tame testosterone we will finally have peace and our innocent children, who we love, will never have to died because of man’s violent decisions.